I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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