I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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