just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
