My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
