why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
