What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
