shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
