dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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