the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
