I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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