So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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