Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
