Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
