first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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