Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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