i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
