You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
