I think my fart just growled at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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