drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
