After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
