The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
