it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
