if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize