he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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