What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
