dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
