Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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