so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
