Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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