That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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