I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
