this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
