Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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