hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize