I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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