I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
