I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
