anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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