yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
