You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
