I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
