you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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