i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
