Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We left the knife in your bed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
