I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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