I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
