being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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