bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
