He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You can't special order awesome
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
