farters have to be the big spoon...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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