I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
