How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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