My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
