i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
