You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
