Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
