I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
