areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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