I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
