R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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