I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
