just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't deserve a penis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night