no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago