Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this