i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION