Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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