Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize