Yo dont text me then not text me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
