guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
