i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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