The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
