jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
