there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
