I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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