I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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