Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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