i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
