nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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