Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His nipple licking is glorious
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