Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
