Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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