this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
